I’ve always been a fighter, gotta poem about it something about a chicana feminist since birth. But of all the things I’ve learned – I also know that the fist in the air is not what’s gonna save you from yourself. Looking at who I was years ago I see a hurt, strong and defiant mujercita, one who wanted to fight the fight but needed to get things right inside 1st. Of course this is a forever and never ending process and we will always be growing and transforming if we decide to take that journey. To be the best person we can be, for ourselves, for our ancestors and for those yet to come.
This year has been especially eye opening to me. 3rd eye and ancestors showing me who is who, intentions and truths of many, and how when you want to work on self, you also begin to see clearly other people, the how/why/for of people and their movements.
My work, time, energy, prayers, organizing, walk and talk– for the past 15+ years all speak clearly for themselves. Years of giving of self for others and the movement. Only recently working more on individual projects. I know one thing for sure, what I do and share has healed me and so many more. It is my responsibility to share any knowledge I have… whether that is book, street, indigenous, movement, etc. That mix is my Xicana powers and if it can help another mujer stay strong in this world where she isn’t even supposed to be alive, where she is supposed to be silent…I will keep doing what I do.
The more I am involved and committed to ceremony, the more challenges have come up. This is something that my elders have told me, that these lessons whether hard or gentle or somewhere in between will be there to make you stronger, to get clearer, and see who is who…and dayuum was that true. Not but a few days after offering tobacco, the shift began and so– has been this year or mas of transformation.
Everyday I am reminded of the many sacrifices my whole family has made for the movement and for each other. People have been killed, investigated, infiltrated and so much more in our movement. People have given their blood, sweat, tears and even life for us to be here and unfortunately some of us have felt that very close to home and continue to. I don’t take the talk or walk of the movement lightly. It’s not a joke, it’s not a ‘stilo, and it definitely ain’t a protest party. Sharing about this or speaking of accountability, healing and building a healthier, stronger community is not hate, it is love and action for a truly healthy community… let’s not get it twisted. We don’t even need to go to far to see who’s wrong or right, we just gotta look to the mirror to see. And so this is the work I do….pushing self to a better me, reflecting light, love and yes, even a mirror to those who are doing good and those who are hurting or lost just as I was and still am. None of us is perfect, we all got contradictions for we live in the belly of the beast and got 100’s of years of colonization within genes and jeans but we also got that genetic memory pumping through the veins of nuestra Anahuac, nuestro corazoncito that is always trying to do right and do good for our peoples. That’s what this movement is about…helping each other. I never stopped doing that….never will. I’m down for our people like that….and that is why who I am is a blessing to myself and our people. Each of us is. Each of us have that vision, message, calling or way to be who we are and give what we can.
As community artists and activists, the Chican@/Xican@ artivist circles are all re.evolutionary role models. I pray that we all follow that without the ego, libido, alcohol y mas. That we know our power, our worth and the weight of our influence on the masses, on each other and on ourselves…. no fronting, just us…in front of the fuego, with the people, for the people- cuz we are the people.
2012 shift has arrived and truths are being told, stories shared, and all love is breaking loose. Prepare, protect, and LOVE yourself. Sending MAD FLAMING LOVE TO ALL!! ♥